Last night I went to bed for the last time in my bed as a mom of one, today I woke up for the last time as the same. I have such a flood of emotions going on in my mind right now. I am so thankful and so blessed to be able to have children of my own. I am so thankful that he is healthy and all our scares are gone with him. I am so thankful that Mark gets to have a boy, and that I get to watch him teach Judah how to be a man on all the different levels he needs to be. I am so thankful that I get to experience being a mom to "one of each". I know my relationship with Ava is going to be very different from the one I will have with Judah, and I am excited to explore that. I am a little nervous however about the whole diaper changing area........I mean I have never had to clean one before. To much information for some I know.....but I'm nervous about it! Really!
As I put Ava to bed last night I realized it was going to be my last day alone with her today. I know we will have dates and we can do things alone too, but it's the last time it will be just her. Her life is about to change too. I can't say that it's not a little bitter-sweet for me. I have loved every minute I have had with her. I have loved devoting every second of my every day to her. I have loved all the talks and sweet things we have shared. This time is not over, but will just be different for a little bit. I can't imagine how I will split my time. It hurts my heart to think that she will not get all of my attention anymore.
As I have thought about all the things that will make it sad for me, I also know there are soooo many things that I am going to love about having two kids. I know there will be many times of seeing Ava kiss her brother and see more and more what a big sister means. I know it will be so cute to watch her soak it all in for the first time that she sees him. I know that it will be amazing to watch her live out her "list" of all the things that she has said she wants to do with him. I know that in the months and years to come there will be so many laughs and giggles coming from their rooms and they play together and enjoy life together. I know Mark and I will get our share of side splitting laughs as we watch them interact together and listen to the conversations that they will have together. I know it's going to be a blessed life watching these two together. I know it is going to be a blessing for Ava to not be an only child. We have so much fun together, but I also watch her sometimes when we are home, and I know she gets board with just us here, I know this will be good for her to have a built in play mate and friend. I know I am going to love watching her teach Judah, and most likely correct him if he does or says anything wrong.....my little child of order.
There is much that I will miss, but so much that I am looking forward to. I love this life that I have been blessed with and I am forever thankful to God for trusting us with two (maybe more) precious gems to look after while here on earth.
So here's to my last blog as a mommy of one........so looking forward to being a mommy of two!
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